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My Beating Heart

Look at him, tall and handsome, and his smile, oh his smile, big and vibrant. He comes my way and I don't dare for a moment think it is I he could possibly want.
I am wrong, for it is me that he has come all this way for. He opens his mouth and there is that smile. He starts to speak and I am smitten. Standing there wide eyed I hear nothing of what he is saying to me. I soon realise he is awaiting a response. Shit!  Why wasn't I paying attention? I stutter as I ask him to repeat himself as I think to myself what a fool I must look like.
Our brief exchange comes to an end and I'm left dazed even though he is gone and I, left to my lonesome.

It's been weeks since our first exchange and much has happened. What I thought to be a mere crush  has blossomed into much more. I crave his presence, when he comes around I fall into a deep ecstasy filled trance. I lose myself, but in a good way, I let go of all my inhibitions, my guard goes down I look at him and I know that for this man I would do anything.

But woe is me for he hasn't the slightest idea of what I feel. To him I am nothing more than a girl whose body  he has become all too familiar with, in which he finds his release and escape from the real world.
He belongs to another you see, thus even though I reach out to him, out of my grasp he shall forever remain.

I lay with him, skin to skin, vulnerable, as we connect in the most intimate way possible for man, yet he can never be mine...
Why of course I know it isn't right. Here I am giving my most precious self to a man I hold no claim over. Here my beating heart pounds heavily against my chest at the mere sound of his name. Ohh the aching.

I watch him get dressed knowing that even though he lays with me, it is only for a moment... an all so beautiful moment, for he can never be mine. And as he kisses me goodbye, he thinks of his woman who he longs to hurry back home to so he may lay lovingly with her in his arms for an eternity. An eternity in which I shall spend in anguish because in him lies a part of me that I can never reclaim. I am left bare and broken.

I see him now, tall, handsome, and oh his smile...

Keep still my beating heart. 💓

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