Unspoken Thoughts

Google images. Source: Pinterest The pursuit of love… not human love but Godly love. That’s what I need and where I have been going wrong. All this time I have been thinking the inner void and loneliness was because of my singleness and that maybe once I had a partner things would change. Boy oh boy have I been wrong 😔 I have just recently realised that I have been lacking something. Something nothing I or any other human can provide me with. I have been going through a cycle of things, overwhelming emotions. All of which have led to the making of wrong choices, a shift in focus to all the wrong things.  Besides trying my best to avoid sin, I am human and find myself slipping out a few lies every once in a while, bad speech, ill thoughts and intentions. And even though those things are somewhat easy to tame/control I have been unable to maintain a steady relationship with God. Yes I’m Christian, yes I read my Bible every day, yes I do good and avoid “great sin”, yes, ye...

I'm starting to sound like a broken record with my fear of love yet lover of love paradox speeches but *shrugs* I can't help it. Today though I'm sharing my ummm thoughts... ones I have more often than I ought to for a single gal 😔 So anyway.... I've always had a soft spot for "cute couples", you know, the ones who always seem to be happy and in love all the time. Affection filled pictures that I can't stop staring at.... well despite the cute and mushy stuff I also like the downsiee of relationships that no one ever shows or shares. I like to experience it all. And I picture it all the time. I want the next relationship I have to be filled with enough certainty that I'm able to get comfortable enough to live out my thoughts. I want to be there for my man as much as he is for me. I want him to wake up to my baked treats for breakfast, come home from work or a day/night out to a hot plate of my cooking, back rubs or foot rubs after a long day w...

Google Images "I, ***, take you, ***, to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold for: Better or worse, Richer or poorer. In sickness and in health... 'Til death do us part" Scary those few words are... 'til death??? I mean that's a binding life long commitment that scares the heck out of me. What if things don't go as planned? What if this your lifetime partner happened to be the wrong one? What then? I know you can't just quit but then again you don't stay just because it's what is expected of you.... or do you? And with kids involved? oh my goodness don't get me started.  So, simply based on my past experiences which by the way weren't so great, I have been left unsure and afraid because well... here is a guy, he appears to be everything I'm looking for so I let my guard down and allow him into my heart/life. Few months in and it's all good. 1 year in and still going good. 1.5 years in and boom... jerk ...